Autism Diagnosis

 When we started I did not know my children were neuro diverse. I did not know Autism was something I would have to work around, or that would impact our lives tremendously.

When we started homeschooling my child who is Autistic was able to mask and any quirks, I just brushed off as oh that is their personality. She talked. She was (and still is) smart. She would watch people when she was a baby. She was really quiet. She was always taking things apart and taking things and hiding them. She also was a perfectionist from a early age. At 2 when I was trying to teach her to clean her room (put toys in the toy box and blankets on the bed) she would cry because she could not make her bed perfectly. I just wanted the blankets on the bed. So I hand over hand taught her to pick up the blankets and throw them on the bed then walked her out of the room. 

She did well until about the age of 5 making friends then I noticed she was the one struggling at the playground and being left out and not being included.

At around the age of 9, my child could not mask at home anymore. There were tantrums, full blown meltdowns and so much self esteem issues that spiraled into more meltdowns. The meltdowns were physical and verbal assaults on whoever was near. We could not have sitters, she could only stay with me. Not even her dad was able to handle what was happening.

We would go to co-op and she would be fine until we got home. We would go to fun events and she would be fine until we got home. One time we did not make it home I had to pull over and pull her siblings out of the car to keep them safe and deal with her meltdown while keeping her in the car so she could not escape.

We looked for help, with councilor’s, doctors, specialists, autism specialist. 

I was told it was my fault, we did not give her enough attention (I homeschool, with my children 24/7, I make time monthly to spend alone with them and they can and always have come to me when they needed attention for hugs, kisses, cuddles and chats).

I was told that the child was looking for attention and could control it.

None of these experts listened, none of them saw the complete loss of control we did.

I had to figure things out on my own because my child does well on school work, can speak and tends to appear to look people in the eye. My husband had taught the child to look at peoples noses when he saw them struggling with looking in other peoples eyes.

It took the child years to get an autism diagnosis. We did not get a diagnosis of Level 1 Autism until she was 13.

But now this child is full of confidence in who they are. They are willing to find accommodations that allow them to fully participate in our family and with friends. They no longer have meltdowns (at least not violent and aggressive ones that cause self esteem issues and more meltdowns).

And we have learned together how to meet needs when it comes to math, or getting something wrong, and adjusting expectations, so that corrections can be made without anxiety and tears and craziness.

Flexibility is key and something I learned from friends with Autism and other disabilities before I learned of my children’s neuro diversities.  

This is not the journey I thought Fairy Princess and I would ever take together, but I would not change her for any reason. She is an amazing kid with the biggest heart and has been since she was a baby. We just needed to figure out how best to help her. 

I will be adding some accommodations I make for my Autistic child in other posts this month and how I plan to get them through high school requirements and since we are moving out of California how I can adjust expectations to meet what is required in our new state.  

I will also talk about how ABA, speech and OT have helped in our journey. Though I do know ABA is considered controversial so I will probably share about that in that post as well